One odD MoRning
Well .. hello me in the future!
I woke up so early, considering I was reading until a late hour last night.
Noted about the book: Arlene Dickinson. A dragon on the famous Dragon Den show, a successful business woman, with her own version of from rags-to-riches story.
Not an author by any means, but possesses that emotional intelligence necessary to live a successful and fulfilling life.
And I love her hair, she looks like Polgara from the Belgariad, with her strand of white hair amongst dark red hair.
Anyways, the book is gripping, but I should have finished the 270 pages of it by now, because I have signed it a week ago, and these kind of books rarely take me a week to finish. Besides, that monstrous Matthew Crawford book is still half-way through, and since he started talking about Kant's philosophy, I gave up on it being a quick and dirty read. Now I find myself going backwards more often that forward.
So, waking up with the emotional low even though my hormonal homecoming is over now, was a bit of a mystery. I couldn't bring myself to think positively about school or work or anything.
I looked at a few more pages of my book just to get some inspiration, but couldn't find any.
I think the prospect of losing my status as a student today was too daunting for me to use my head. Once I realized why I am so afraid to leave my bed, I just left my bed.
A quick shower, prepared a really good lunchbox, and even had breakfast with coffee. I wore some light makeup. And Out of the house.
I have been at school for an hour now.
First thing I did was printing the stupid letter from CIC promising my study permit, and went to FGPS...
Here is the thing: To my future self,
Remember when you feel so low, to just leave the house. The simple exchange of smiles with strangers, a small exchange "good morning" or "hello", a wonderful complimentary double take your way, or even a nodding to a colleague passing your way UPLIFTS your emotions. So please, do force yourself out of the house, because its worth it.
I think as humans, our self narration plays a great role on our performance or lack of thereof. It also plays a strong role on how we building or destroy our own long-term self-esteem.
I know how I talk to myself is the reason why I can be very productive one night and completely off balance the next one.
For the next year, I will have many days like this. With very low motivation and a lot hell of forcing myself to teach, write and just function positively in my environment. This will be much nicer if I can just stop my brain from internal conversations and run on auto-pilot. I can do great things as long as I don't analyze what I am doing. I have had the opportunity to test it many times and even this morning.
By telling myself to Not put my head back on the pillow and instead open the book sitting next to me..
By telling myself to flip the page to read the next paragraph which I was curious about yet I couldn't bring myself to move my hand and fingers to flip it over...
By suddenly being in the shower with hot water running on my body and through my hair...
By reminding myself that by spending the time to make my own breakfast, which is a task I detest, I am actually saving money (won't have to buy food at school) and time (won't have to come back home at lunch time).
I think if I remind myself of all these times where I and I alone was in charge of directing my actions, I will be a much better person by my standards.
Anyways, just food for thought my future self ... and anytime you hit a funk like this one, just remember, you are really awesome. No matter how many times you have talked down to yourself, you have so many good qualities about you, and you will get wherever you put your mind to go if you work very hard.
And remember: the world doesn't owe you anything!
cheers!
I woke up so early, considering I was reading until a late hour last night.
Noted about the book: Arlene Dickinson. A dragon on the famous Dragon Den show, a successful business woman, with her own version of from rags-to-riches story.
Not an author by any means, but possesses that emotional intelligence necessary to live a successful and fulfilling life.
And I love her hair, she looks like Polgara from the Belgariad, with her strand of white hair amongst dark red hair.
Anyways, the book is gripping, but I should have finished the 270 pages of it by now, because I have signed it a week ago, and these kind of books rarely take me a week to finish. Besides, that monstrous Matthew Crawford book is still half-way through, and since he started talking about Kant's philosophy, I gave up on it being a quick and dirty read. Now I find myself going backwards more often that forward.
So, waking up with the emotional low even though my hormonal homecoming is over now, was a bit of a mystery. I couldn't bring myself to think positively about school or work or anything.
I looked at a few more pages of my book just to get some inspiration, but couldn't find any.
I think the prospect of losing my status as a student today was too daunting for me to use my head. Once I realized why I am so afraid to leave my bed, I just left my bed.
A quick shower, prepared a really good lunchbox, and even had breakfast with coffee. I wore some light makeup. And Out of the house.
I have been at school for an hour now.
First thing I did was printing the stupid letter from CIC promising my study permit, and went to FGPS...
Here is the thing: To my future self,
Remember when you feel so low, to just leave the house. The simple exchange of smiles with strangers, a small exchange "good morning" or "hello", a wonderful complimentary double take your way, or even a nodding to a colleague passing your way UPLIFTS your emotions. So please, do force yourself out of the house, because its worth it.
I think as humans, our self narration plays a great role on our performance or lack of thereof. It also plays a strong role on how we building or destroy our own long-term self-esteem.
I know how I talk to myself is the reason why I can be very productive one night and completely off balance the next one.
For the next year, I will have many days like this. With very low motivation and a lot hell of forcing myself to teach, write and just function positively in my environment. This will be much nicer if I can just stop my brain from internal conversations and run on auto-pilot. I can do great things as long as I don't analyze what I am doing. I have had the opportunity to test it many times and even this morning.
By telling myself to Not put my head back on the pillow and instead open the book sitting next to me..
By telling myself to flip the page to read the next paragraph which I was curious about yet I couldn't bring myself to move my hand and fingers to flip it over...
By suddenly being in the shower with hot water running on my body and through my hair...
By reminding myself that by spending the time to make my own breakfast, which is a task I detest, I am actually saving money (won't have to buy food at school) and time (won't have to come back home at lunch time).
I think if I remind myself of all these times where I and I alone was in charge of directing my actions, I will be a much better person by my standards.
Anyways, just food for thought my future self ... and anytime you hit a funk like this one, just remember, you are really awesome. No matter how many times you have talked down to yourself, you have so many good qualities about you, and you will get wherever you put your mind to go if you work very hard.
And remember: the world doesn't owe you anything!
cheers!
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