Final Year Troughs

I used to think that the final months of my PhD will go like this .. A montage of picture of me
- Hunched over my laptop thinking deeply about one or more aspects of my thesis ... Trying to justify or rationalize my arguments for a specific chapter .. or arguing about adding some more work to some component ...

- Having deep intellectual discussions with my adviser every weekly meeting about something related to the field, which of course requires that I have covered the literature extensively

- Looking like someone on a mission .. someone who is in a high-focus, high-productivity zone to the exclusion of all things unnecessary like having showers and wearing undergarments ..

- Talking in short succinct sentences, with high alert whenever anything thesis-relevant comes to mind ... with a notepad close by to jot down weird ideas and reflections ...

- Things unlikely: Growing a beard, growing a Rastafarian hairdo without any effort on my part, and drinking coffee more than human capacity and stuff that hipsters do given the circumstances ...


Instead, none of the above is currently going ...
I am still me, with limited knowledge about my thesis topic, a few exciting results but no indepth interpretation, complete lack of responsibility towards a daily minimum of words, a lack of motivation ...

On the short term, I know what I want to do ..
On the long term, I have taken some steps to do stuff, like apply for jobs ... but honestly  I am not entirely sure if thats what I would do if I had any other option ...

Given a tonne of money, and the freedom to pursue anything I want, I won't do this ... I won't apply for jobs or work for the man ... I would do something fun, challenging and contribute the well-being of the living things on this planet ... but what is it , I don't know ...
Given that aimless outlook on life, I decided to follow the path of least resistant and applied to a bunch of jobs here and there...
 I am tired of not coming home ... I want a home ...somewhere I can afford, it would be nice to have someone inside of it, but even if its just me that's fine by me ... Right now, there might be hope of having someone in it, so I will keep that hope ...

I think I miss my friend Rob, so I might give him a shout before going to bed...
How did I spend the weekend?
Holed up inside my room ... Feeling sleepy or a bit funny due to lack of iron ...
I bled so much a couple of nights ago, which was not funny when it happened .. thanks uterus ...
I watched a bunch of funny movies, and wasted tonnes of time thinking about nothing important ...
I can't convince myself to work of reading or read anything unless I am on a bus ...

I caught up with a couple of friends, which was really nice ..
Aside from that, I managed to have the minimal worry about thesis since I came from Ethiopia!! Horray!!

I will have an awesome productive week starting tomorrow
I will do laundry, cook, get vegetables, and submit my chapter to Guy... I feel ridiculous happiness at that thought :)

Let's keep calm and rock on!!