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Its funny how perspective changes when we get a doze of reality..
I used to think of home as somewhere else .. somewhere far away with my childhood memories, family member, and leftovers from a previous life ...
How wrong was I ...
I spent the last 40 days away from the strange land ...and lo and behold I have missed it! I have missed my empty nest, the busy schedule, the aimless nights, that grass-green mat where I like to practice my body, the crowded desk with my papers and knitting gear ... even my hard mattress .. I missed the cleanliness of my space... My white shower curtains, spotless tub, and organized kitchen .
Aside from the routine and the material possessions, I realized that I was coping with loneliness for so many years by building up my own memories further into the unknown ... building expectations and daydreams . weaving my desires of the ideal into a hopeful reality that is not there ...
I got so caught up in my own thoughts that I forgot others outside of my head grow up differently, love differently, express themselves differently ... I didn't realize how much I have departed in my own emotions and intellect .. how far I was from the daily grind back at home ... the blissful weddings and the good times as well as the funerals and the bad times ...
Home is where you have ties ... and I discovered that my tie are almost gone ...
They have become so fragile that I was scared that one argument would destroy what is left ...
But that said .
I have come to understand some essential facts of life ...
People who give, get back ...
People who take, end up with nothing to take ...
I met some inspiring people ... and my time was educational on many levels ...
I have a life to do my best at ...
A thesis to write, a career to discover and pursue, a mate to find, a set of principles to create and live by ...
and so much more waiting ...
M
I used to think of home as somewhere else .. somewhere far away with my childhood memories, family member, and leftovers from a previous life ...
How wrong was I ...
I spent the last 40 days away from the strange land ...and lo and behold I have missed it! I have missed my empty nest, the busy schedule, the aimless nights, that grass-green mat where I like to practice my body, the crowded desk with my papers and knitting gear ... even my hard mattress .. I missed the cleanliness of my space... My white shower curtains, spotless tub, and organized kitchen .
Aside from the routine and the material possessions, I realized that I was coping with loneliness for so many years by building up my own memories further into the unknown ... building expectations and daydreams . weaving my desires of the ideal into a hopeful reality that is not there ...
I got so caught up in my own thoughts that I forgot others outside of my head grow up differently, love differently, express themselves differently ... I didn't realize how much I have departed in my own emotions and intellect .. how far I was from the daily grind back at home ... the blissful weddings and the good times as well as the funerals and the bad times ...
Home is where you have ties ... and I discovered that my tie are almost gone ...
They have become so fragile that I was scared that one argument would destroy what is left ...
But that said .
I have come to understand some essential facts of life ...
People who give, get back ...
People who take, end up with nothing to take ...
I met some inspiring people ... and my time was educational on many levels ...
I have a life to do my best at ...
A thesis to write, a career to discover and pursue, a mate to find, a set of principles to create and live by ...
and so much more waiting ...
M
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