Writer's (Block) Disgust
I think for the past month I might have not written down any useful word .. nothing ..
I got creative at some point early March and changed the look of my arena.. played with the sections and the font and got all cozy .. which reminds me of something , I am craving a hug .. so much it is difficult to keep my hands to my side when he is here..
Anyways, back to normal mode ..
I think I am disgusted with my writing .. it is disturbingly boring and repeatitive .. I feel like running away from just reading it .. and I don't know how am I supposed to write a whole thesis if only 25 pages of it can cause me such distress..
Even more absurd, my readititis has stopped these days .. do I hear someone whispering "burnout" somewhere?
No, I am actually about to go on fire again.. can feel the tingling many times aday .. the excitement of preparing for a conference is taking over again.. so no worries about that..
I just want to have my mind work again .. as in "wake up" again ..
What I am mentally occupied with right now are so simple.. first, I am in a strong need for a human contact of the level HUG .. a strong warm loooooooong hug until I feel sensations in my toes..
Second, I am still thinking of a potential PhD supervisor, and luckily, I know for sure that I want to stay in academia and endure the nonesense..but first I need to secure a good advisor..
Third, I need to finalize preparing for the Japan conference..which will take some time judging from the loads of paperwork to be prepared on my side and the other side ..
Goodness!
Fourth, I have to watch the exam on Tuesday ,, I will really miss those guys ..
Now.. some side dark thoughts are about my former friends and classmates .. I cannot understand why they are so silent .. nothing .. its as if I was never there to start with .. disturbing ..
Anyways, I am all smiles inside when I think of UWO.. but
I will miss this man so much it hurts..
I love him so much .. it is such a pain to be thinking of leaving this city .. darn it.
If I can bottle him, and drink him every night, my gosh I will be so happy ..
I talked to my mother yesterday, one thing that I need to do is to get her here .. she will be much happier in a not so hot place like Canada .. I just hope to do it in good time ..and before her patience runs out..
I miss just being me .. when thinking of stuff was so much easier than today ,, I was so carefree and relaxed in my life .. moving to Canada changed my pace and disturbed that inner peace to pieces ..
I was really a happy child up till 21 years old .. thanks to my father I lost that calm.. and thanks you Canada for bringing adulthood so fast my way.. I wish I was a child .. less worries and more fun..
I need to write a the stupid thesis .. I need to write it even if it sucks and smells and disgusts me ..
approaching midnight, thus, we are to depart ,, home,, here i go..
I got creative at some point early March and changed the look of my arena.. played with the sections and the font and got all cozy .. which reminds me of something , I am craving a hug .. so much it is difficult to keep my hands to my side when he is here..
Anyways, back to normal mode ..
I think I am disgusted with my writing .. it is disturbingly boring and repeatitive .. I feel like running away from just reading it .. and I don't know how am I supposed to write a whole thesis if only 25 pages of it can cause me such distress..
Even more absurd, my readititis has stopped these days .. do I hear someone whispering "burnout" somewhere?
No, I am actually about to go on fire again.. can feel the tingling many times aday .. the excitement of preparing for a conference is taking over again.. so no worries about that..
I just want to have my mind work again .. as in "wake up" again ..
What I am mentally occupied with right now are so simple.. first, I am in a strong need for a human contact of the level HUG .. a strong warm loooooooong hug until I feel sensations in my toes..
Second, I am still thinking of a potential PhD supervisor, and luckily, I know for sure that I want to stay in academia and endure the nonesense..but first I need to secure a good advisor..
Third, I need to finalize preparing for the Japan conference..which will take some time judging from the loads of paperwork to be prepared on my side and the other side ..
Goodness!
Fourth, I have to watch the exam on Tuesday ,, I will really miss those guys ..
Now.. some side dark thoughts are about my former friends and classmates .. I cannot understand why they are so silent .. nothing .. its as if I was never there to start with .. disturbing ..
Anyways, I am all smiles inside when I think of UWO.. but
I will miss this man so much it hurts..
I love him so much .. it is such a pain to be thinking of leaving this city .. darn it.
If I can bottle him, and drink him every night, my gosh I will be so happy ..
I talked to my mother yesterday, one thing that I need to do is to get her here .. she will be much happier in a not so hot place like Canada .. I just hope to do it in good time ..and before her patience runs out..
I miss just being me .. when thinking of stuff was so much easier than today ,, I was so carefree and relaxed in my life .. moving to Canada changed my pace and disturbed that inner peace to pieces ..
I was really a happy child up till 21 years old .. thanks to my father I lost that calm.. and thanks you Canada for bringing adulthood so fast my way.. I wish I was a child .. less worries and more fun..
I need to write a the stupid thesis .. I need to write it even if it sucks and smells and disgusts me ..
approaching midnight, thus, we are to depart ,, home,, here i go..
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