Tough Choices
Making choices have always been my least favorite activity to do ..
I had to make difficult choices many many times, I don't think I can count how many times ...
We often have people in our lives whose personalities bring both light and dark within us ... People we love dearly and look up to ... who are capable of saying the most painful things not to hurt us .. but to motivate us ... I was never able to understand why someone would hurt someone else on purpose unless its for retribution ...
Today, I think I am once again at such a point ... should I let a certain person in or out ...
Is it worth all the pain?
They bring the worst in me outside ... my anger, frustration, impatience, and all ugliness of being young and foolish ...
In their own way, they bring out all that is missing within me ... and wave it in front of my face ... and tell me to do something about it and grasp it ...
I say I am not ready .. and they respond with anger ... and I feel hurt ...
I need the kindness from others, because I don't give it to myself ...
But .. I wish they knew the truth ...
The truth is that ... as I grow older each day, I grow stronger ... and I feel better and more beautiful and capable ... I see my shortcomings with kind eyes ... I feel sadness and I wish I was more ... but with all the disappointment in myself, I also see that I change .. My life and character attracts change :)
That's my strength .. and what a discovery to make at last ...
I attract change .. I might be forgetful and non-focused sometimes, I might be a half-bright ... and I might be normal by some standards ... and some might hear of what I often go through and say "You are unlucky!" but I am lucky ... all that misfortune, it comes to me .. not the kind of misfortune that befalls others ... the material external kind of misfortune ... I am lucky with my kind of misfortune :)
I lost track ...
I miss them ... and their wisdom and farsightedness ... their wit and sense of humor ... their ability to bring new things into my life ...
I miss that ...
But I don't miss hurtful words .. and I am not a masochist ...
Time to just let it go ... or time to stay away from the temptation ...
I had to make difficult choices many many times, I don't think I can count how many times ...
We often have people in our lives whose personalities bring both light and dark within us ... People we love dearly and look up to ... who are capable of saying the most painful things not to hurt us .. but to motivate us ... I was never able to understand why someone would hurt someone else on purpose unless its for retribution ...
Today, I think I am once again at such a point ... should I let a certain person in or out ...
Is it worth all the pain?
They bring the worst in me outside ... my anger, frustration, impatience, and all ugliness of being young and foolish ...
In their own way, they bring out all that is missing within me ... and wave it in front of my face ... and tell me to do something about it and grasp it ...
I say I am not ready .. and they respond with anger ... and I feel hurt ...
I need the kindness from others, because I don't give it to myself ...
But .. I wish they knew the truth ...
The truth is that ... as I grow older each day, I grow stronger ... and I feel better and more beautiful and capable ... I see my shortcomings with kind eyes ... I feel sadness and I wish I was more ... but with all the disappointment in myself, I also see that I change .. My life and character attracts change :)
That's my strength .. and what a discovery to make at last ...
I attract change .. I might be forgetful and non-focused sometimes, I might be a half-bright ... and I might be normal by some standards ... and some might hear of what I often go through and say "You are unlucky!" but I am lucky ... all that misfortune, it comes to me .. not the kind of misfortune that befalls others ... the material external kind of misfortune ... I am lucky with my kind of misfortune :)
I lost track ...
I miss them ... and their wisdom and farsightedness ... their wit and sense of humor ... their ability to bring new things into my life ...
I miss that ...
But I don't miss hurtful words .. and I am not a masochist ...
Time to just let it go ... or time to stay away from the temptation ...
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